28 October 2010

OFF TOPIC: Who am I? (Poem for SW)

Who am I?
My first answer would probably be my name.
But, my name does not describe who I am on the inside.
I could then give the title of my profession.
But that is what I do.
I could then tell you I am a wife, a sister, and a daughter.
But those are my relationships.

I ask again, who am I?

I could describe myself as an extrovert and outgoing.
That is my personality.
I am organized in planning events.
But that is a gift given to me.
I could describe my appearance, but that is not who I am either.

So many times I have believed what others say I am.
If I receive affirmation, then I feel worthwhile.
However, when I receive criticism, then I feel like a failure.
I have chosen to ride the roller coaster of emotions,
Instead of believing the truth of what people says about me.
I have tried to work harder to prove that I am worthwhile.
Yet every time I mess up or fail, I am reminded that I will never measure up.

I wanna yell really loud, while staying quiet and reserved.
I wanna tell everyone about me, yet have them not know a thing.
I wanna reach forthe stars, as I dig myself a hole.
I wanna focus on one thing, while I do a million more.
I wanna make my mark in life, yet not leave a trace.
I wanna have everything, and live with nothing.
I wanna make myself famous, while I'm not known by anyone.
I want to be someone, while I don't exist at all.
I want to know everything about myself, the eternally mysterious.
I will discover and speak the words secrets, yet none will hear the words.
I am me, I am not myself. I will live or will I?

I am the one who sits in the corner alone
I am the one who pretends not to care when I get insulted
I am the one who trys to make other people happy whatever the concequences for me
I am the one who sits in silence because i'm afraid of saying somthing stupid
I am the one who no longer fights back
I am the one who lies about my true feelings just so it dosn't hinder others
I am the one who knows that people won't miss what they never had
I am the one who knows that just because I did something right just means I'm gonna mess up later

I will never be pretty enough or talented enough.
I will never be skinny enough or do enough good things of the school.
I will never be a good enough wife or sister or daughter.
But, I keep trying harder and harder.
I believe the lie that if I continue to try harder, I will finally be "good" enough.

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