14 December 2011

Maybe it's the end

You know

I love sad ending. But I never would have thought that it happens to me. To us. I love you. Maybe not enough, maybe not as much as you do, but I really do. Well, what did you think? That what happened when you're dating a girl for a year and a half.

You know

I don't know what about you that I like so much. Everything about you is everything I never wanted. Eyeliner, emo posse, skinny clothes... I thought you like me enough, to change all your bad habits for me. I thought you like me enough, to throw away those annoying skinny jeans. But I guess I'm wrong.

You know

I want us to lasts forever. But too much for a happy ending, isn't it? I guess it's my fault, for jinxing our relationship. But really, why did you blame me?

Why did you make this all seems like it's my fault? That I'm the reason we're drifting apart?

You know

If you like her, you can just tell me that straight to my face. Hell, I don't even care if you tell me this over phone. But seriously, did you have to blame me? You know how I hate those words. I thought you stopped saying them. But I'm wrong.

You know

I always laugh at people who's crying over their break up. But now, I'm so sorry for them. I know the feeling now. Please tell me you're not laughing after hanging up the phone. Please tell me you're not bragging to everyone now that you're single again.

You know

I want to tell you not to lead her on, but I never know your feeling for her. Maybe you really like her, maybe you just doing it to make me jealous, or maybe you're just being friendly. Whatever it is, I don't know her, she doesn't know me. Let's keep it that way. I don't want to hate her just because of you.

You know

Maybe this is the end. I'm not having on and off relationship like some of my friends did. Not after our last argument, which, I'm sure you remember. Our biggest argument. Did you know that I barely keep myself from crying whenever I recall the names you call me, even in public?

You know

Today was supposed to be the day I'm happy. Why, because I'm done with my exams. But you have to ruin it. You just can't keep the attention off yourself, can't you. You want the world to revolve around you, and only you.

You know

It's too painful, just to  look at your name in my phone. It's too painful, now that I still can't sleep, cause I'm too used with you calling me whenever the clock read 00:00 AM. I feels like I should wait. Maybe you'd call me. Maybe you'd apologies. But who am I kidding, you're never one to do that.

You know

I'm not gonna give the cliche "it's not you, it's me" crap. Because it's not you, it's not me, it's us. I love you. Maybe you used to love me, but like a bouquet of flowers, if we keep them long enough, they'd withered. Maybe your love for me have fade. Or maybe you never love me at all. I can't be sure of that anymore. Not after yesterday.

You know

I care about you. But I don't understand, how could you say that I don't care about anyone? Maybe it's better to end this now. Before it got too serious. I am serious, but who knows what's on your mind.

Just one thing I wanted to know.

WHY? Why couldn't you be a  man? You really should learn that if you can't say anything nice, it's better if you just shut up. Do you want to know how I felt after last month? It's like when you are riding your bike and you start skidding across sand, or when you miss a step and start tumbling down the stairs, you have those long, long seconds to know that you are going to be hurt, and badly? That’s what those last seconds I spent with you felt like. But last night, I finally fell off the bike. Last night, I finally crashed on the floor. I can’t believe you could hurt me so much.

You and you're issues. I'm done with it. My sister said I should, but I didn't at the time. I thought you'd try more. I thought you care about this relationship as I am. But you're not. Not anymore. Well I'm done. I give up on you. I'm tired of crying over you. You put me through your bullshit and now I'm done.

Enjoy your life.

With love and hate,

Pixie Requiem.



This is the last time I'm using this nickname.

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